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| been looking in different places for the last 8 months and still nothing. Chuy tried to get me job last night with her boss at the place she works at and still nothing. this getting to be a wee bit lame but what can you do right? thats life.
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| I want a future where I have structure. I want it so that I feel in control knowing that there is a set schedule and that deviation from that schedule is a novelty. I want a system that lets me decide what I want and gives me options of how to go about it. Everyday I want a different experience from the job. I want it so I don't feel empty inside when I look back at the time I've spent there. That as the years roll by, I can see the difference in what I do year after year. I want a job where I can learn. Not just be allowed to learn but to be encouraged to learn. Where I get paid more for the more I learn. Where my value and usefulness grows with every subject I absorb. I want a job where I am paid a respectable amount. Where I surpass the "living wage" and live well off. I want to provide things and objects to my children that I never had just as my father did before me. I want to be able to surprise my wife and take her out to the time of her life on a whim. I want the very best for those I share the rest of my life with because I will love them with all of being, soul and flesh. I don't want to indulge myself in the material because I don't require much to be happy. A good computer with a nice web connection and reliable car and I am happy. The true joy that my wage will bring me is seeing my daughter wearing a beautiful dress to prom and not having to sweat it over the bills. Or the joy of sending my son off to college without him worrying about the costs. I want benefits for myself and most importantly my future spouse and children for they will be the light of my world and I want to sleep with the calm satisfaction of knowing I can heal and protect them should it be necessary. I want a job security that will leave me with peace of mind.
I want to teach others about what I have learned. I am going to be a teacher.
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| I am someone who gives those he cares about his all, that to be loyal is an important trait that I must never tarnish in myself because to lose trust is to lose a bond once shared by two beings. I must make it my mission to ensure I never let it happen from this point on and to appeal to those I have wounded with my actions for forgiveness because it is the only acceptable course for me to move on with my life. I realize I am someone who is inquisitive with a strange knack for asking the oddball questions in order to see things from my own perspective. I am someone who is shy and waits for permission before proceeding. I am someone who is blind to the advances of others due to the inability to see what they see in me. I am someone who truly shows his colors and relaxes completely around those I place my trust in. Those I have come to call friends are the very people that balance me in my day to day thinking. That help me see the world from more than one looking glass and who I appreciate with all my heart. I know I have not always shown it but I will try my damnedest to make up for it from now on. I take action when others fail to do so or are unable to. I am someone who will do any job to the greatest of my ability once I undertake the responsibility. I live by "any job worth doing, is worth doing right". I am a listener to those who need one. I am a dreamer of dreams that make sense to me in my own little special way. I am watchful because there are dangerous obstacles in this world that I have no choice but to share it with. I am a lover who gets carried away one too many times but is left on the ground when reality comes knocking. I am the guy the who hides his feelings on his sleeves. I realized that I have only just realized who I really am.
Thank you to those of you who helped me realize who I am. I know most of you don't even know of this blogs existence but still I will begin by thanking you here and see where it will take me tomorrow. Most of all I thank Martha because she made me realize that I didn't know a thing about myself until this week she made it my task to find out who I am.
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| due to some technique that i picked up in psych class, i was able to deduce a new problem (with my brother's/ House M.D. help) that has in fact haunted me since forever. i have the most distorted view on women and it in fact scares me now that i realize it. i have the inability to tell when a girl likes me. apparently when a girl is being a friend or being really cool with me, my mind automatically sees it as interest beyond that of friendship. any girl whos ever been really chill or that i have been relaxed with or have a really cool connection, i immediately start thinking on a subconscious level that she digs me or is interested. i just realized this and for the past few minutes i've tried racking my brain for answers to the contrary but i'm finding little or no proof to fight this in my mind. am i that desparate? can't i realize that if a girl is being friendly, it doesn't mean they want to hit it off? why am i just now realizing this now? wow, i feel like i was blind and my eyes have been opened. come on Jesse pull it together. this is something thats going to require some more time to figure out. gonna need some second or third opinions too while i'm at it.
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| i just saw the end to the Avatar. holy wow that was an awesome show. completely blew my expectations.
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